Ok, so now for a hard one.
Is it time to bring down your guest count? I am still holding on to the policy that we should assess each situation on its own 90 days before the big day. This is NOT a post to advocate for smaller counts. This is a post to chat through what to do if your ideas about the size of the event that you want have changed.
Many of our couples began the journey of planning their wedding wanting a big event. At the time the dream was to have everyone they could possibly invite, all under one roof or tent to celebrate their love. And that was and still is an awesome dream! Lately though, some of those conversations have become about how the dream has changed. Now the dream is having 50 or 100 of the closest people in your life gather together for that big celebration.
The instinct to bring down your guest count could be coming from a lot of different places. Maybe finances changed last year, maybe you're still worried about Covid restrictions, or maybe quarantine just changed your perspective on what you want your day to look like. Or maybe it's something else entirely!
I am here to tell you that whatever the case, if you're feeling like you want to reimagine the size of your wedding, you don't need a reason to do it. This past year has been a journey to getting to know ourselves a little bit and re-centering on what is really important. For some, the bigger party is all the more important and that's awesome, but this post isn't about them. This post is to validate the desire to bring things a little closer and keep them a little more private.
First thing to do, is to have a conversation with your families. Are they feeling like too many people will feel left out if you choose to do something smaller? Are they on board? Of course you want to make the decision that is best for the two of you, but it's also nice sometimes to get the perspective of your nearest and dearest. They may be really excited about this, or they may have some other thoughts to add that can factor in to your decision.
After that, go ahead and agree on a new number. Take that new number to your guest list and tier folks. Level 1 is for people who you can't imagine not having with you. Level 2 are folks you would love to have , but won't feel heartbroken if they aren't there. Level 3 is for folks you know casually, or haven't seen in a long time and you love but you would feel comfortable sending them a card to let them know you got married.
Next, reach out to your top tier guests and see who intends to come. You may be surprised to find out more or less are able to come. Once you have a better idea of that number then you can start to mix in your Level 2 guests in the same way and possibly a few Level 3 as well. It's very important that if you make this decision after you have already sent Save the Dates out to the entire guest list that you make it with enough time to let folks know of your decision and you catch them before they make travel and lodging bookings.
It is also SUPER important to reach out to your vendors (don't worry we do this for our couples, you cuties) to make sure they know the new plan and can adjust everything too. If we all know the plan as early as possible that means we are able to change up our staffing and contracts for you. We want to do whatever we can do help you!
This might feel like a really tricky business, but if there is one thing that everyone now understand it's that plans change and we just have to flow with them!
If you are in the position of having to un-invite folks consider sending an email or something in the mail that says something like "We are so sorry to let you know that the plans for our big day have been changed due to Covid and everything it brought with it. For that reason we are opting for a more intimate ceremony and will no longer be holding the event that you received a Save the Date (or invite) to. We will revisit the possibility of throwing a larger celebration when the timing feels right. We love you dearly and hope you understand our decision to move forward in this way. If you have any questions please let us know."
If you're struggling on whether it's a good time to think about this, reach out. Let's talk through everything! I am here for you!