Wedding Diplomacy: Working With, Not Against Your Crew
Since we just talked about wedding planning self care, I thought it was important to do a post on ways to work around some of the hardest parts of collaborating on the planning process. If you are a person who has family or friends who want to be involved in the planning process that is totally awesome! But it can also feel like a lot and you may find yourself feeling like you are sacrificing your wants and needs for theirs. This is majorly uncool and as a planner, I gotta tell ya, it's a real bummer when this type of discord makes an appearance in the planning process. So here are a few ideas on how to keep the seas calm and save yourself some stress while still advocating for yourself!
This is your wedding not anyone else's, but remember that sometimes small compromises can really go a long way. Have some conversations with your partner about the things you are unwilling to compromise on. Whether it's color scheme, food or a design element, as long as you two start on the same page that's all that matters. Then, chat about the things that don't matter as much to you. If you are obsessed with having wood-fired pizza at your wedding but maybe don't care as much about flowers, consider bringing in your planning crew to help with that piece. Our supportive crews often just want to be included and if there are designated areas where they can provide input without causing a rift between you and your partner, then go foooooor ittttttt!
Consider bringing in both sides of the family (if the situation allows) on a few select things. Lots of active ladies on both sides? Sometime inviting everyone to get ready together on the big day is a lovely to set the tone of inclusion for the day. Inviting them certainly doesn't mean you have to pay for their hair and makeup services, and they may not join anyway, but extending the invite is usually appreciated.
In-laws? Set them loose on the rehearsal dinner if their finances allow, and even if they don't, consider bringing them in on that planning process. Weddings bring together everyone from your life at once, including a ton of people your family haven't seen in years and giving people their moment to celebrate with their people only enhances the experience for you!
Remember that giving other people a moment to or task that makes them shine doesn't take away from you and your partner on the day. No one will steal the show from you and everyone will be there to celebrate you! It's never a bad idea to create moments to honor your supportive crew and remind them how important they are to you on the big day. That may mean letting your mother in law bake the cake, or your Mom give a toast. Those moments can often be the most memorable of your day.
Often things also get complicated if there is one group who is taking on the majority of the financial burden of the wedding. As the couple getting married, you want to keep them happy, but also want to make sure you
are getting what you want for the biggest day of your life thus far! Sit down and talk about it and do your best
not to take it personally when they voice their opinion. They may just want to be heard and then you can come to a consensus.
It never hurts to entertain the ideas of others on your wedding and believe me, everyone will have thoughts ha! It doesn't mean that you have to go that route, but conversations about wedding planning often avoid conflict when all parties are feeling heard. Hate their ideas? Totally fine! Maybe give them a detail or vendor they can research for you or set them about making your family photo shot list (we will talk about this soon!) or start to contact guests from their list to get their RSVPs.
Struggling with figuring out what things to bring your crew in on? Talk to your coordinator! There may be things that we have up our sleeves that we can share with you. We can also act as an awesome neutral party to go between you and your fam/squad and get to the bottom of the issue.
Ok, one more. You ready for a super unpopular take? It's also not your job to make sure everyone is perfectly happy. It's an impossible standard to hold yourself to that every single person who comes to your wedding will be 100% happy with every choice you made. This post is def not meant to make you feel like the emotional labor of conflict resolution falls solely on your shoulders. Like my therapist says (seriously couldn't live without her) you can't control the actions of others, only yours and how you respond. So save yourself the stress of discord when you can and when the issues aren't worth it let them go.
And if none of that works? Call us cuz I am totally here to listen and we have your back.
Tune back in next week for another mental health reminder and take care of yourselves out there. <3